Right Leadership: A Story of Two Wolves

I came across a blog post today that shared bits of a story that I hold as one of my personal favorites.  It is not okay with me that this story be shared in bits.  So I rewrite the whole story here, to honor those who first told it and those who keep it going.

It is for the warrior/leader in all of us.  The best I can determine in research is that this is a Cherokee story, although the exact origin, time and location, is unknown.  Many take credit for it.  I will leave credit where it is due, to the wisdom teachers of all time.

Grandfather sat outside as he was wont to do every day.  He noticed that his Grandson was walking toward him, but seemed angry.  He was kicking the dirt, and Grandfather could see there were streaks of tears running down his face. Grandson did not pay any attention to where he was, he was lost in his own thoughts.  He threw a rock as hard as he could, and with a yelling shout, he continued walking.

Grandfather called out and finally got the attention of his grandson, who walked over toward him.  Grandfather said, "Sit down and tell me what has happened."

Grandson began to tell the story.  On this day it was his birthday and he received as a present from his parents, a knife.  He was very happy with his present and showed it to the other kids.  Some boys thought this present should not have been given, they thought him too young, they envied his present, and they started to taunt the boy.  Soon, a shoving match started, and then a full on fight.  Punches were thrown, the knife was taken.  "Grandfather, I hate them!" said Grandson.

"Mmm," Grandfather pondered this.  Then he said, "I too have had this inside of me. Let me tell you a story." Grandson was in no mood for one these stories, they were always long and Grandfather always wanted to teach something.  Grandson wanted to fight, he wanted to be angry, and he wanted to find an outlet for this anger.

Grandfather insisted, "Sit.  This story won't take long and it is a story about me when I was your age and felt these same things."

This was something the boy did not hear often, stories about when his Granddfather was a boy.  So he sat.

"I have had something living inside of me my whole life," Grandfather began. "I discovered them when I was your age and went to speak with my father and his father. You see, I know I have two wolves that live in my heart and in my head.  They live inside of me in my soul.  One of these wolves is a white wolf, and he is a seeker of beauty and harmony, he loves balance and peaceful contentness, and he will fight if it is the only way, but he often knows there are many ways, many solutions to problems.  Next to him is a black wolf, and he is angry most of the time, he seeks vengence, and will look first to fight.  He lives with jealousy and envy inside of him, he judges everything and has little respect."

Grandson was captivated by this story, and asked, "why doesn't the black wolf kill the white wolf?"

"This, is a good question," Grandfather smiled. "The two wolves live inside of me and are chained at the neck together, not too close, but close enough, they can circle each other and keep their distance.  They must be very vigilant and so must I."

Grandson reflected on this, and how he felt when his knife was taken and he got into a fight.  He could feel his anger disappearing, but he was still puzzled by something. "Grandfather, I don't understand.  If these two wolves live inside of you, and you are saying they are inside of me too, which one wins?"

Grandfather smiled, "This, is a good question."

Looking directly into his grandson's eyes, he said, "The one you feed."

In order for our spirits to truly be free, we must look inside of ourselves and discover who we really are, every little awful wonderful thing. We must accept ourselves in this wholeness, and then, and only then, can we step into right leadership, and be wise men and women, right leaders of our time.

In deep gratitude to those who have passed down this story.... 

To Stand Alone and Risk Looking Ridiculous

When I had some medical challenges earlier this year and had to have surgery, I wasn't worried, not at first.  I'd put away money for just such a thing.   Like a good soldier, I had my surgery, recovered, and went back to work.

It was while I was building my clientele back that I understood for the first time that I had crossed some invisible line.  I realized that:

• I do coach my clients, but I can not define myself as simply a coach, not anymore
• I do consult with my clients but I would never want to be classified with the likes of the McKinsey's
• What I do and how I do it is very different than anything that has been tried in the past, and
• I've gone to the very edge of my comfort, that place on the ancient maps that says, "Beyond here th'er be dragons!"

In the midst of this discomforting insight, a family member asked me, "Why?  Why do you keep going? You don't have anything to prove. It wouldn't be a failure.  Just let it go.  Come back to the East Coast.  Get a job here, any job."

In an instant, every moment I have ever failed flashed through my head and with brilliant searing clarity, I realized that failure wasn't even possible. 

The secret is out.  MacGregor, Schein, Csikszentmihalyi, they started it.  And these leaders, all have lead the way: Tony Hsieh, John Mackey, Tim Ferriss, George Zimmer, Roxanne Emmerich, Tony Schwartz, Stephen M. Covey, Christine Comaford-Lynch, Keith Ferrazzi, Bill George, Hazel Henderson, Sarano Kelley, Tim Sanders, Casey Sheahan , Vicki Robin, Shai Agassi, Ping Fu, Lance Secretan, Tami Simon, Randy Komisar, Chip Conley, Juanita Brown, Richard Barrett, Lisa Nirell, Srikumar Rao, Bo Burlingham, Bettie Spruill, Paul Spiegelman, Marcia Wieder, Alan Gregerman, Kellie McElhaney, Chester Elton, Monika Broecker, Ari Weinzweig, Ahmed Rahim, Jeff Hayzlett, Simon Sinek, Raj Sisodia.

And me! I have added my piece - Transforming the human side of enterprise is one of the four components of creating sustainability.  People, planet, profit and purpose, the quadruple bottom line, all connected. 

Failure isn't possible simply because I am in too much good company. But something else nagged at me.  Why don't I just quit?  And the answer came:

.... because I'm still afraid.

In 1999, I raised my hand timidly at Columbia Business School and asked my professors, "In what class will we learn how to get along with each other and work together?"

Complete silence.  Then one of the academic supervisors said, "HR is next semester."  Everyone laughed. Except me. I didn't get it.  Where were the 'people' people? But, I tucked my head and went back to coloring inside the lines.

It's been twelve years since that day.  And I've picked at this scab every day, chipping away at the idea that how people work in a business is just as important if not more important than how the business itself works. 

I've heard it said that 'to stand alone and risk looking ridiculous' is the measure of a true leader. Until last Thursday I was uncertain of my leadership status.  

At the Boeing Auditorium at the University of Washington, I stood alone and said, "Ten years from now, not a single company or enterprise will exist without a Chief Culture Officer, a Director of Culture, or even simply named, the 'people' people."

I suppose I can quit now. 

Nah.

The Danger of a Limited Goal

One of the foremost theologians of our times called this country’s fascination with career and vocationalism, ‘the danger of a limited goal’.

Many of my clients come to me with a strong, successful career under their belt. Exhausted physically and mentally, they’re not even sure what’s wrong or how they came to feel so unfulfilled. All they know is that something isn’t right. These folks have discovered first-hand the danger of a limited goal.

The goal of “career” does not satisfy most people in today’s world. And here’s why -

‘Seeking’ a career, we suffer with a malaise of the soul, born out of our choice to pursue happiness in the guise of wealth, or prestige, or stability, or security. Contrast that with, ‘finding’ our life which gives rise to endless possibilities, and the sheer joy of adventure, awe, inspiration and wonder around every twist and turn. By its very nature, the goal of a career strips us of our right to a journey, our journey, the one we are uniquely here to fulfill.

We all must find our life and make its meaning. If you have a successful career, great!, balance it with self expression and creativity. Find your SELF in yourself, again. If you’ve discovered, like so many, that the career you’re in isn’t feeding you in a deep and meaningful way, great!, here’s your chance to change it up.

What has real heart and meaning for you?

Do more of that!