Whisper, the Heart

Angeles Arrien, a cultural anthropologist and famous master storyteller, exorts her readers to "pay attention to what has true heart and meaning."

No matter how many times I read that I seem to forget it. Usually when I need it the most, in the face of adversity, the daily challenges, the ups and downs of life, I go mental.  

We all do it.

Going mental is the safe route.  That's what the mind is there to do, sift through our experiences, our thoughts, make sense of the environment, analyze, compare, and conclude. It throws up solutions at an extraordinary pace, leaving us blinded by our mental superhighway.

And all the while, the heart remains still. It waits, sometimes a really long time. It doesn't speak in words; the language of the heart is more subtle and nuanced. The heart is like the blade of grass that pushes up and cracks the concrete sidewalk. It's insistent, patient, and ever present.

If there was a theme this week in my coaching practice it would be resisting the whisper of the heart. I would ask a client, how does that feel? "Um, well, I think ..."

Deep breathe, how does it feel?

That breathe is the distance between the mind and the heart. It can be a second or a million seconds. If you are patient, if you stalk your feelings, your mind will calm down, enough, for you to hear a soft whisper.

Don't miss it.  The whisperings of the heart tell us what is true, and good, and beautiful in our lives.

Inspired!

I couldn't wait to sit down to write this post.  After my brother successfully finished the NYC Marathon on Sunday, I was pumped up, excited, filled up.  Simply put, he inspired me - by his actions, by the commitment and the courage.

It made my wonder, what is this thing we call, inspiration?

I looked it up and from a definition perspective I found comments like:  to heighten, to intensify, to stimulate, to encourage.  I do certainly feel these things, even today three days later. 

AND, I feel something else.  It's been hard to put my finger on it, so it took a while for this blog post to be created.  I wondered over the last three days if inspiration comes in compartments, like being inspired on the job versus in your personal life.  It occurred to me that I have had tremendous energy for all parts of my life these last few days, so the answer seems to be, no.  I can be inspired in my personal life and it carries over to all of my undertakings.

So how does something that I did NOT do, come to have such a significant impact on my personal life, my professional life, even in my alone moments?

Then it hit me.  When the undertaking, or "enterprise," is one of scope, risk, and complication and we can witness the undertaking first hand, cheer from the sidelines, hold the belief and trust that all will be well, we are forever changed by what is possible. 

My brother is 38 years old, has three kids, is an amateur runner at best and a year ago Thanksgiving he said he intended to run this race.  At the Holidays, with six siblings, all with kids running around, lots of chaos and fun, someone who says they're gonna run 26 miles seemed more funny than plausible.  And so I did not take much note of this declaration.

But as I cheered him on Sunday, I wondered about the deep sacrifice he made to train for this undertaking.  My teacher says, 'sacrifice' really means 'to make sacred again.'  To get up every week, knowing you had one less week to train, or that this week it was three short 8 mile runs, or next week it will be a long 13 mile run, and on and on. I now understand my teacher's comment.  This had to come from the heart; it can not be your mind that finishes this undertaking. 

Maybe that's a piece of what is inspiring: It is not a focus on what we give up but a focus on what we give.

Three hours after the race, my brother sent an email to so many of the people who supported him during the race.  I was touched by the humility and grace with which he thanked everyone.  He called out the moments when he saw them, at 96th Street, 110th, First Avenue, thanking them all, and saying how much their support made a difference.

Perhaps that's what leadership really looks like - to set an intention, to give of yourself, and to be so grateful for the support and belief of others.

PS, I also discovered that the word inspire means 'to inhale deeply.'  When was the last time you inhaled deeply?

Mine was Sunday afternoon!

And it still feels amazing.  Thanks, Neal. 

Death and Change

Sometimes when I sit down to write this blog the themes of the week are so strong that the post really writes itself.  This is one such week.

I will acquaint you with a concept that is well known in the wisdom teachings but rarely is it ever discussed in polite society:  Everything dies.  No exceptions.

I read a statistic that the average life span of a company in the US is 40 - 50 years.  Companies die, for lots of reasons.  Market forces, product innovation, cash flow, fraud, you name it, the dis-eases that can afflict a corporation are as numerous as the ones that can and do afflict human beings.  There is a life death life cycle for everything. 

Now this alone is not a truly remarkable fact, but it does set the groundwork for something that is remarkable - collectively, we pretend the opposite, we pretend that everything lives, forever.  We know that is not a true statement, but we ignore it.

Because death feels so uncontrollable, so nasty.  There is grief and sorrow, and fear, as when our colleagues are let go or when a division gets disbanded. Try talking to an entrepreneur about retirement and succession planning.  I actually had one executive say to me, "I don't need to plan, I'm gonna live forever."  He had a smile on his face, but you know what they say about all things said in jest, right?

We do alot of damage when we don't acknowledge the little and big deaths in our lives.  Many employees who have been notified that they will be let go on a precise day, report feeling shunned by colleagues.  "People just exiled me, stopped talking to me outright in some cases.  I felt like vermin."

We've all done it.

The wisdom teachings tell us - Death always takes its due.  So let it, and be done.  Here is an example of giving Death her due.  We are coming up on the famous Day of the Dead. Many Mexican friends of mine will be honoring death and their departed by placing on the grave of a departed love one all the things they loved in life.  A stroll through a cemetery can be a bit amusing as you pass by bottles of scotch, tobacco, and pictures of scantily clad women!  

As leaders, when a death of any magnitude occurs, pause, find the ways to acknowledge your own feelings, and let others do the same. Say the hard thing, express the difficult emotions.  Let it go. 

Death is inevitable and uncontrollable, so that makes life unpredictable and absolutely precious.  A cliche for sure - but it's worth saying again, carpe diem. 

The Danger of a Limited Goal

One of the foremost theologians of our times called this country’s fascination with career and vocationalism, ‘the danger of a limited goal’.

Many of my clients come to me with a strong, successful career under their belt. Exhausted physically and mentally, they’re not even sure what’s wrong or how they came to feel so unfulfilled. All they know is that something isn’t right. These folks have discovered first-hand the danger of a limited goal.

The goal of “career” does not satisfy most people in today’s world. And here’s why -

‘Seeking’ a career, we suffer with a malaise of the soul, born out of our choice to pursue happiness in the guise of wealth, or prestige, or stability, or security. Contrast that with, ‘finding’ our life which gives rise to endless possibilities, and the sheer joy of adventure, awe, inspiration and wonder around every twist and turn. By its very nature, the goal of a career strips us of our right to a journey, our journey, the one we are uniquely here to fulfill.

We all must find our life and make its meaning. If you have a successful career, great!, balance it with self expression and creativity. Find your SELF in yourself, again. If you’ve discovered, like so many, that the career you’re in isn’t feeding you in a deep and meaningful way, great!, here’s your chance to change it up.

What has real heart and meaning for you?

Do more of that!