Sounds of Silence

No matter who I spoke to this week and last, there was this very subtle emptiness in their voices.  It made me wonder what that was all about.

It dawned on me after giving a speech at Bainbridge Graduate Institute's MBA program that perhaps the emptiness had to do with empowerment, or lack of empowerment.  I got lots of questions about being heard in a corporate setting and I heard huge amounts of frustration and disappointment around this feeling of 'holding back' and 'not saying what is so.' 

That brought me to the understanding that people want to know HOW to speak up. That floored me.  HOW to speak up is obvious, right?  We just load our brains, and shoot off our mouths.  Oh no, this was not what the real question was.  The real question had a twist. 

How do I speak up AND avoid risking my career and paycheck?

Whoa, and there it is, the fear.  Let's call it what it is, and maybe we can shift it. The very foundation of who we are as a society requires us to speak up, ask difficult questions, and know that we are safe to do so. When did it become so unsafe? Where are the pockets of openness, honesty, and genuine dialogue that honor our contributions and support our accountability? 

What I find right now is a genuine knowledge and wisdom just waiting to burst forth into open exchange.  There is a strong desire for change, and a passionate awareness of the need, no the urgency, to change.  And, there is silence. 

This silence is a gaping hole; we appease others, and go along, and don't rock the boat.  I've been there myself.  Not wanting to risk being seen as the one who spoils dinner, who stirs the simmering pot of conflict, I remained silent.  And I watched as the cultures of those companies I worked for and where I witnessed this pattern, diminished, slowly at first, and then rapidly.

The way forward is in cultures of openness, thoughtful patient dialogue, connectedness, and engagement.  Cultures that embrace discomforting discussion, and allow the full range of self expression within the boundaries of respect and integrity

Ask yourself today: where are you in appeasement?  Where do you choose to remain silent when your inner voice would have you speak up to shift a discussion or a decision? Do you work in a place that honors your voice and your wisdom?  And if not, how come you work there?

The Truth stands on its own, is heard for itself, and withstands even the harshest of critiques. Speak the Truth, say what is so, and be known as a person of high integrity. We need your leadership, NOW.

The Light and Dark Side of Power

"Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."  So goes the only teaching I have ever had on power. So I've left it alone, or thought I did.  However, disdaining something and judging it....so not the same as leaving it alone!

And that could be why Power came looking for me this weekend. 

Somewhere back in the annals of history someone made the connection between the word 'power' and the word 'manipulation.' This became the origin of my logic, my knowing, of the word power.  My thinking went like this:  If you were powerful, you were likely to be someone who got things done, at any cost.  Power therefore equated to manipulation, the ability to control, force, demand, even change the natural course of a thing.  It is the antithesis of everything I stand for. 

This weekend someone mentioned that the work I'm doing, the research and the mentorships, "are very powerful." Oh my!  I was thrown into the deep end, no lifejacket.  We spent an hour discussing power and I emerged with my confidantes' beliefs ringing in my ear:  "Everything we do, say, or think, must always be viewed at the very least as a ploy for more power. To deny this, is to be dangerous to ourself and others."

I've spent the better part of my life, denying power its due. Rejecting it, resisting its presence, I see now how I forfeited many opportunities to express myself effectively, to listen actively, and to show up.  With new appreciation, I accept that Power IS the ability to manipulate AND it can both force an outcome and/or illuminate one.

With integrity, wisdom, and humility, we can step into our personal power, be impeccable with our words and actions, and illuminate and expand possibilities.  It is when we aren't in right relationship - when we lack respect for all things and deny service to a common good - that we fall prey to the dark side: control.

The Native People have a saying, "How do you corrupt a righteous man?  Give him one follower." In many tribes there is no word in the language for leader; each is a leader, by the fact of their existence, by original design. And that is the genesis of a deep sincere compliment expressed this way, "She is a leader without followers."

Now, today, when we are demanding accountability from our institutions, our governments, and our communities, take a moment to look to your own right use of power, to the moments when you sought first to clarify and illuminate, and, to those moments when you were impatient, 'certain' of the 'right' outcome, and determined to get it.

Notice the difference.  Be a leader without followers.

Choose to illuminate. 

Right Leadership: A Story of Two Wolves

I came across a blog post today that shared bits of a story that I hold as one of my personal favorites.  It is not okay with me that this story be shared in bits.  So I rewrite the whole story here, to honor those who first told it and those who keep it going.

It is for the warrior/leader in all of us.  The best I can determine in research is that this is a Cherokee story, although the exact origin, time and location, is unknown.  Many take credit for it.  I will leave credit where it is due, to the wisdom teachers of all time.

Grandfather sat outside as he was wont to do every day.  He noticed that his Grandson was walking toward him, but seemed angry.  He was kicking the dirt, and Grandfather could see there were streaks of tears running down his face. Grandson did not pay any attention to where he was, he was lost in his own thoughts.  He threw a rock as hard as he could, and with a yelling shout, he continued walking.

Grandfather called out and finally got the attention of his grandson, who walked over toward him.  Grandfather said, "Sit down and tell me what has happened."

Grandson began to tell the story.  On this day it was his birthday and he received as a present from his parents, a knife.  He was very happy with his present and showed it to the other kids.  Some boys thought this present should not have been given, they thought him too young, they envied his present, and they started to taunt the boy.  Soon, a shoving match started, and then a full on fight.  Punches were thrown, the knife was taken.  "Grandfather, I hate them!" said Grandson.

"Mmm," Grandfather pondered this.  Then he said, "I too have had this inside of me. Let me tell you a story." Grandson was in no mood for one these stories, they were always long and Grandfather always wanted to teach something.  Grandson wanted to fight, he wanted to be angry, and he wanted to find an outlet for this anger.

Grandfather insisted, "Sit.  This story won't take long and it is a story about me when I was your age and felt these same things."

This was something the boy did not hear often, stories about when his Granddfather was a boy.  So he sat.

"I have had something living inside of me my whole life," Grandfather began. "I discovered them when I was your age and went to speak with my father and his father. You see, I know I have two wolves that live in my heart and in my head.  They live inside of me in my soul.  One of these wolves is a white wolf, and he is a seeker of beauty and harmony, he loves balance and peaceful contentness, and he will fight if it is the only way, but he often knows there are many ways, many solutions to problems.  Next to him is a black wolf, and he is angry most of the time, he seeks vengence, and will look first to fight.  He lives with jealousy and envy inside of him, he judges everything and has little respect."

Grandson was captivated by this story, and asked, "why doesn't the black wolf kill the white wolf?"

"This, is a good question," Grandfather smiled. "The two wolves live inside of me and are chained at the neck together, not too close, but close enough, they can circle each other and keep their distance.  They must be very vigilant and so must I."

Grandson reflected on this, and how he felt when his knife was taken and he got into a fight.  He could feel his anger disappearing, but he was still puzzled by something. "Grandfather, I don't understand.  If these two wolves live inside of you, and you are saying they are inside of me too, which one wins?"

Grandfather smiled, "This, is a good question."

Looking directly into his grandson's eyes, he said, "The one you feed."

In order for our spirits to truly be free, we must look inside of ourselves and discover who we really are, every little awful wonderful thing. We must accept ourselves in this wholeness, and then, and only then, can we step into right leadership, and be wise men and women, right leaders of our time.

In deep gratitude to those who have passed down this story.... 

Humility

Today is extraordinary.  Not because we have snow here in Seattle, the first of the season, and not because we are coming into the Holidays, with all of its festivities. 

Today is extraordinary, because I sit here typing on my computer looking out my Southward-facing windows onto my little porch with my plants all sprinkled with snow and I received a visitor.  The most beautiful hummingbird, green and red, came right to my door, pecked his beak on my window as if looking to get inside, and stayed there flicking his wings, looking right at me, for what seemd like minutes, probably seconds, but I stopped breathing, in those seconds.  I'd never been that close, though separated by a pane of glass, so close. 

When I started breathing again, a big smile spread across my face.  I felt like that little kid I once was, and then more grown up and not so little as time flew by, waiting impatiently on Christmas Eve, in and amongst all the bright tiny lights and the happy colored wrapping paper, that air of expectation, and awe, and wonder.

I have the lightest of hearts right now.  And it made me think what is means to be humble, to have sincere humility. The tiniest little creature, with what I understand, has the most valient of hearts.  And its own super powers - the ability to fly backwards! 

I know that Level 5 Leadership comprises humility and will.  I am pleased to have had this reminder from the hummingbird today, a true symbol of what leadership - and joy! - can look like this, in these times. 

Death and Change

Sometimes when I sit down to write this blog the themes of the week are so strong that the post really writes itself.  This is one such week.

I will acquaint you with a concept that is well known in the wisdom teachings but rarely is it ever discussed in polite society:  Everything dies.  No exceptions.

I read a statistic that the average life span of a company in the US is 40 - 50 years.  Companies die, for lots of reasons.  Market forces, product innovation, cash flow, fraud, you name it, the dis-eases that can afflict a corporation are as numerous as the ones that can and do afflict human beings.  There is a life death life cycle for everything. 

Now this alone is not a truly remarkable fact, but it does set the groundwork for something that is remarkable - collectively, we pretend the opposite, we pretend that everything lives, forever.  We know that is not a true statement, but we ignore it.

Because death feels so uncontrollable, so nasty.  There is grief and sorrow, and fear, as when our colleagues are let go or when a division gets disbanded. Try talking to an entrepreneur about retirement and succession planning.  I actually had one executive say to me, "I don't need to plan, I'm gonna live forever."  He had a smile on his face, but you know what they say about all things said in jest, right?

We do alot of damage when we don't acknowledge the little and big deaths in our lives.  Many employees who have been notified that they will be let go on a precise day, report feeling shunned by colleagues.  "People just exiled me, stopped talking to me outright in some cases.  I felt like vermin."

We've all done it.

The wisdom teachings tell us - Death always takes its due.  So let it, and be done.  Here is an example of giving Death her due.  We are coming up on the famous Day of the Dead. Many Mexican friends of mine will be honoring death and their departed by placing on the grave of a departed love one all the things they loved in life.  A stroll through a cemetery can be a bit amusing as you pass by bottles of scotch, tobacco, and pictures of scantily clad women!  

As leaders, when a death of any magnitude occurs, pause, find the ways to acknowledge your own feelings, and let others do the same. Say the hard thing, express the difficult emotions.  Let it go. 

Death is inevitable and uncontrollable, so that makes life unpredictable and absolutely precious.  A cliche for sure - but it's worth saying again, carpe diem.