Skeptics and Skepticism

Sometimes I don't write for a while because something is brewing inside of me and looking for a way to grab my attention.  That's the case this month.

I've grappled with the subject of skeptics my whole life and it suddenly dawned on me, I'm not the only one.

If you've read my blogs, you know there was one where I told you the story of doing a cartwheel. I desparately wanted to be a cheerleader, I was still in grade school and it was a big deal. To be on the squad, though, you had to do a cartwheel, minimum requirement.

The gist of that story was the remembered taunting of the other kids, the shouts of 'kelly belly' on the schoolyard, as I tried and fell, tried and fell. And the ultimate victory that persistence brings, doing a cartwheel and making it on the team.

I had alot of skeptics back then, even my parents tried to dissuade me, perhaps thinking an overweight kid is just going to embarass herself.

Here's the thing:  the skepticism never eased up. In fact, it got more intense as I grew up.  The numbers are in the hundreds and now thousands of people I would encounter who would ask me something about myself and I would answer and receive a barrage of naysaying, doubting, challenging, sometimes angry, skeptical retorts. Even close friends, family.

We've heard about this before, right?  Michael Jordan not making it on his high school's basketball team, most famous example.  Somehow those stories seem far removed from my little coffee shop, and my morning cuppa joe and that one person who seems interested and curious, and then wham, before your caffeine has kicked in, your told five ways your story/dream/idea/purpose doesn't work.

Does dreaming a really big dream scare that many people?

I'm dreaming a really big dream right now.  I'm in California, and I'm going back to school for a Ph.D. Here's the big hairy audacious goal: how can we shift our corporate/business models so their focus is on human growth and development and secondarily on commerce?

I have an idea how to do that. (And a ton of people who are skeptical!)

Even so, I have an idea.....and I'm going for it.

I wrote this for my current and future clients.  Here's the takeaway: Skeptics are there to hone our choices, to make us better, to shape and mold our ideas. Thank them, honor them, stay the course, tweak it, and carry on!

Inspired!

I couldn't wait to sit down to write this post.  After my brother successfully finished the NYC Marathon on Sunday, I was pumped up, excited, filled up.  Simply put, he inspired me - by his actions, by the commitment and the courage.

It made my wonder, what is this thing we call, inspiration?

I looked it up and from a definition perspective I found comments like:  to heighten, to intensify, to stimulate, to encourage.  I do certainly feel these things, even today three days later. 

AND, I feel something else.  It's been hard to put my finger on it, so it took a while for this blog post to be created.  I wondered over the last three days if inspiration comes in compartments, like being inspired on the job versus in your personal life.  It occurred to me that I have had tremendous energy for all parts of my life these last few days, so the answer seems to be, no.  I can be inspired in my personal life and it carries over to all of my undertakings.

So how does something that I did NOT do, come to have such a significant impact on my personal life, my professional life, even in my alone moments?

Then it hit me.  When the undertaking, or "enterprise," is one of scope, risk, and complication and we can witness the undertaking first hand, cheer from the sidelines, hold the belief and trust that all will be well, we are forever changed by what is possible. 

My brother is 38 years old, has three kids, is an amateur runner at best and a year ago Thanksgiving he said he intended to run this race.  At the Holidays, with six siblings, all with kids running around, lots of chaos and fun, someone who says they're gonna run 26 miles seemed more funny than plausible.  And so I did not take much note of this declaration.

But as I cheered him on Sunday, I wondered about the deep sacrifice he made to train for this undertaking.  My teacher says, 'sacrifice' really means 'to make sacred again.'  To get up every week, knowing you had one less week to train, or that this week it was three short 8 mile runs, or next week it will be a long 13 mile run, and on and on. I now understand my teacher's comment.  This had to come from the heart; it can not be your mind that finishes this undertaking. 

Maybe that's a piece of what is inspiring: It is not a focus on what we give up but a focus on what we give.

Three hours after the race, my brother sent an email to so many of the people who supported him during the race.  I was touched by the humility and grace with which he thanked everyone.  He called out the moments when he saw them, at 96th Street, 110th, First Avenue, thanking them all, and saying how much their support made a difference.

Perhaps that's what leadership really looks like - to set an intention, to give of yourself, and to be so grateful for the support and belief of others.

PS, I also discovered that the word inspire means 'to inhale deeply.'  When was the last time you inhaled deeply?

Mine was Sunday afternoon!

And it still feels amazing.  Thanks, Neal. 

The Alchemy of Ceremony

I feel very honored and humbled to take part in two ceremonies this coming weekend - ancient ceremonies from the people who lived here first.

As I've gotten ready for these ceremonies over the last few weeks and months, I've struggled to do everything right, to do all the things required of me.  I put tremendous thought into the process, worried whether I would be able to complete the tasks, and wondered what awaited me on the other side of these ceremonies. 

Then first my health started to present problems.  Then it was my friendships, that seemingly out of the blue disintegrated.  Next it was my teachers, most of them, who seemed disinterested in my process and I felt alone handling these challenges. Then my business stalled.  Those were the "normal" things.  I also had some mysterious weird stuff happen too.  A car window that of its own accord went down and refused to go back up. Things that went missing, and then ended up right in front of me.  Emails that were sent but never received. People I don't even know, offering to tell me what's wrong in my life.

After a while, it became obvious that all of this was associated with the ceremonies.  But to what end?  What was going on and how could I make sense of it?

When things fall apart pay attention.  It is you telling yourself something.  Turns out I had alot of things I had been storing up for the right moment, when I was receptive to hearing them.  Most of those things had to do with old ways of being, tools that were once useful, that I no longer needed.

This is how they're released.  We have to bring them up, and have one more really good hard look at them.  If your friendships are disintegrating, maybe they were always rocky but now you're able to see why and to face it and fix it or let it go.  If your business is stalling maybe you aren't doing the thing you love and were born to do.  It could be time for a small course correction or a major exit off that highway.  If you study with certain teachers and feel less and less connected to them, maybe you're giving yourself permission to seek out new teachers. 

In the end when we ask for our heart's desire, do we really expect that we will get it without some major surgery happening in our life?

Be grateful for the answers you're getting as you pursue your dream and try, please try, to remember not to be attached to how you get there.  In my experience, what looks like a disaster is often a great gift. 

The Nature of Giving

Isabel Allende - the niece of the assassinated Chilean President Salvadore Allende - wrote this....

All Things Considered , April 4, 2005 · I have lived with passion and in a hurry, trying to accomplish too many things. I never had time to think about my beliefs until my 28-year-old daughter Paula fell ill. She was in a coma for a year and I took care of her at home, until she died in my arms in December of 1992.

During that year of agony and the following year of my grieving, everything stopped for me. There was nothing to do -- just cry and remember. However, that year also gave an opportunity to reflect upon my journey and the principles that hold me together. I discovered that there is consistency in my beliefs, my writing and the way I lead my life. I have not changed, I am still the same girl I was fifty years ago, and the same young woman I was in the seventies. I still lust for life, I am still ferociously independent, I still crave justice and I fall madly in love easily.

Paralyzed and silent in her bed, my daughter Paula taught me a lesson that is now my mantra: You only have what you give. It's by spending yourself that you become rich.

Paula led a life of service. She worked as a volunteer helping women and children, eight hours a day, six days a week. She never had any money, but she needed very little. When she died she had nothing and she needed nothing. During her illness I had to let go of everything: her laughter, her voice, her grace, her beauty, her company and finally her spirit. When she died I thought I had lost everything. But then I realized I still had the love I had given her. I don't even know if she was able to receive that love. She could not respond in any way, her eyes were somber pools that reflected no light. But I was full of love and that love keeps growing and multiplying and giving fruit.

The pain of losing my child was a cleansing experience. I had to throw overboard all excess baggage and keep only what is essential. Because of Paula, I don't cling to anything anymore. Now I like to give much more than to receive. I am happier when I love than when I am loved. I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly I don't know if they even like me. But who cares? Loving them is my joy.

Give, give, give -- what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don't give it away? Of having stories if I don't tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don't share it? I don't intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world and with the divine.

It is in giving that I feel the spirit of my daughter inside me, like a soft presence.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4568464

Are we human?

Always cool, my sister Meghan, 24 and a nurse in Philadelphia, keeps me current on music, fashion, and technology.  She was listening to a song when I was home recently, and once I heard the whole track, I fell instantly and hopeless in love. Here it is from their live performance in San Jose, the first full minute is their intro, but stick with it - you won't be able to avoid tapping your feet, or doing the 'happy chair dance'!

The Killers, "Human" from Morgan Lam on Vimeo.