Wisdom's Ancestor

I'm sitting here tonight a bit confused and sad.  Maybe it's the Seattle weather, which trust me, would make anyone sad. 

Nah, not just the weather.  The feeling that's floating around me is hard to shake.  It's been a tough week.  The weekend's events shadowed the week.  Monday, I said good-bye to a fabulous client as she finished her work and is off to Africa!  I am thrilled for her and will miss her.  I gave a presentation at the University of Washington this week.  I usually love doing that, working with the students, offering them insights into their personalities, as we discuss the ways that humans affect the outcome of any enterprise.  Sigh.  Presentation fell flat.  Energy kept shifting. 

Rest of the week, more of the same.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what's up.  Is this just me? Or are others feeling the same way?  My mind wanders back to Arizona.  Am I more affected by the shootings in Arizona than I have acknowledged? Are others?

I read an article this week that is rolling around in my head.  George Freidman wrote the article and in it he suggested that America is a Republic that accidently became an Empire.  We created this country to be one thing, and it became another.  Now it fights itself, Republic vs Empire, like the Black and White Wolf, a never-ending battle.  ( See below, Right Leadership:  A Story of Two Wolves.)

I realize I am more like the black wolf tonight: edgy, a bit frustrated, and itching for an argument. I set an intention for this week to be productive and full, energetic and prosperous.  Despite my best efforts, didn't happen.  My intention devolved to attachment, and now I feel disappointed and crappy. 

I am searching my knowledge for the nugget that applies here, for the wisdom that my teachers have shared with me and that I can pass along. 

At first nothing comes, and the edginess takes a firmer grip.  Slowly, though, like a wafting feather, something tickles me at the very back of my mind.  Tugging at this resisting thought, I finally yank it free.

"All energy is neutral, Kelleen."

I expel my breathe, the shoulders come down, I allow my head to hang for just a second. All energy is neutral, neither positive nor negative.  We transmute it, make it into something, and this alchemy touches the inner core of who we are and reflects back to us through the lens of our outer world. 

This discernment, wisdom's ancestor, is what went lacking this week.   I lost touch with my ability to discern truth and hold a vision.  It is a good lesson.

All energy is neutral. We make it otherwise. 

The Light and Dark Side of Power

"Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."  So goes the only teaching I have ever had on power. So I've left it alone, or thought I did.  However, disdaining something and judging it....so not the same as leaving it alone!

And that could be why Power came looking for me this weekend. 

Somewhere back in the annals of history someone made the connection between the word 'power' and the word 'manipulation.' This became the origin of my logic, my knowing, of the word power.  My thinking went like this:  If you were powerful, you were likely to be someone who got things done, at any cost.  Power therefore equated to manipulation, the ability to control, force, demand, even change the natural course of a thing.  It is the antithesis of everything I stand for. 

This weekend someone mentioned that the work I'm doing, the research and the mentorships, "are very powerful." Oh my!  I was thrown into the deep end, no lifejacket.  We spent an hour discussing power and I emerged with my confidantes' beliefs ringing in my ear:  "Everything we do, say, or think, must always be viewed at the very least as a ploy for more power. To deny this, is to be dangerous to ourself and others."

I've spent the better part of my life, denying power its due. Rejecting it, resisting its presence, I see now how I forfeited many opportunities to express myself effectively, to listen actively, and to show up.  With new appreciation, I accept that Power IS the ability to manipulate AND it can both force an outcome and/or illuminate one.

With integrity, wisdom, and humility, we can step into our personal power, be impeccable with our words and actions, and illuminate and expand possibilities.  It is when we aren't in right relationship - when we lack respect for all things and deny service to a common good - that we fall prey to the dark side: control.

The Native People have a saying, "How do you corrupt a righteous man?  Give him one follower." In many tribes there is no word in the language for leader; each is a leader, by the fact of their existence, by original design. And that is the genesis of a deep sincere compliment expressed this way, "She is a leader without followers."

Now, today, when we are demanding accountability from our institutions, our governments, and our communities, take a moment to look to your own right use of power, to the moments when you sought first to clarify and illuminate, and, to those moments when you were impatient, 'certain' of the 'right' outcome, and determined to get it.

Notice the difference.  Be a leader without followers.

Choose to illuminate. 

Right Leadership: A Story of Two Wolves

I came across a blog post today that shared bits of a story that I hold as one of my personal favorites.  It is not okay with me that this story be shared in bits.  So I rewrite the whole story here, to honor those who first told it and those who keep it going.

It is for the warrior/leader in all of us.  The best I can determine in research is that this is a Cherokee story, although the exact origin, time and location, is unknown.  Many take credit for it.  I will leave credit where it is due, to the wisdom teachers of all time.

Grandfather sat outside as he was wont to do every day.  He noticed that his Grandson was walking toward him, but seemed angry.  He was kicking the dirt, and Grandfather could see there were streaks of tears running down his face. Grandson did not pay any attention to where he was, he was lost in his own thoughts.  He threw a rock as hard as he could, and with a yelling shout, he continued walking.

Grandfather called out and finally got the attention of his grandson, who walked over toward him.  Grandfather said, "Sit down and tell me what has happened."

Grandson began to tell the story.  On this day it was his birthday and he received as a present from his parents, a knife.  He was very happy with his present and showed it to the other kids.  Some boys thought this present should not have been given, they thought him too young, they envied his present, and they started to taunt the boy.  Soon, a shoving match started, and then a full on fight.  Punches were thrown, the knife was taken.  "Grandfather, I hate them!" said Grandson.

"Mmm," Grandfather pondered this.  Then he said, "I too have had this inside of me. Let me tell you a story." Grandson was in no mood for one these stories, they were always long and Grandfather always wanted to teach something.  Grandson wanted to fight, he wanted to be angry, and he wanted to find an outlet for this anger.

Grandfather insisted, "Sit.  This story won't take long and it is a story about me when I was your age and felt these same things."

This was something the boy did not hear often, stories about when his Granddfather was a boy.  So he sat.

"I have had something living inside of me my whole life," Grandfather began. "I discovered them when I was your age and went to speak with my father and his father. You see, I know I have two wolves that live in my heart and in my head.  They live inside of me in my soul.  One of these wolves is a white wolf, and he is a seeker of beauty and harmony, he loves balance and peaceful contentness, and he will fight if it is the only way, but he often knows there are many ways, many solutions to problems.  Next to him is a black wolf, and he is angry most of the time, he seeks vengence, and will look first to fight.  He lives with jealousy and envy inside of him, he judges everything and has little respect."

Grandson was captivated by this story, and asked, "why doesn't the black wolf kill the white wolf?"

"This, is a good question," Grandfather smiled. "The two wolves live inside of me and are chained at the neck together, not too close, but close enough, they can circle each other and keep their distance.  They must be very vigilant and so must I."

Grandson reflected on this, and how he felt when his knife was taken and he got into a fight.  He could feel his anger disappearing, but he was still puzzled by something. "Grandfather, I don't understand.  If these two wolves live inside of you, and you are saying they are inside of me too, which one wins?"

Grandfather smiled, "This, is a good question."

Looking directly into his grandson's eyes, he said, "The one you feed."

In order for our spirits to truly be free, we must look inside of ourselves and discover who we really are, every little awful wonderful thing. We must accept ourselves in this wholeness, and then, and only then, can we step into right leadership, and be wise men and women, right leaders of our time.

In deep gratitude to those who have passed down this story.... 

A Revolutionary Act

I sat down to write another blog post, and it was like pulling teeth.  I started out with the intention to write about truth-telling and relate it to the workplace, asking the question where do we bravely tell the truth?

Nothing happened.  That creative spark I always feel deserted me.  Gone, poof.  Nada.

I thought at first that I was just pushing the topic into overload, and decided to look for inspiration elsewhere.  Pulled out some of my favorite books, hoping that something would light that fire and the process to create would begin. 

Still nothing. 

Slowly the words crept into my consciousness.  Where aren’t you telling the truth, Kelleen?

Now we were someplace else.  The vague shadow of my life was pushing through the veils of separation and wanted out – out out.

This is Seattle, so being ‘out’ is nearly deifying. I thought how hard could it be, to say the truth, my truth. 

So I typed the next words – I actually typed the truth, the stripped it down, going for broke, truth.

In a total copycat maneuver, channeling Kevin Costner in Bull Durham ala “I believe in long slow deep wet kisses that last for three days…” thang, I typed.  And typed.  My fingers flew, breaking land speed barriers….

Uh-Oh.  (Sh**.) 

You can’t see this but what was on this page, before I deleted it, was my truth. When I read what I wrote, I actually looked over my shoulder in an unconscious move to see if “IT” had gotten out.

What the hell is so scary about any of that stuff anyway; I’ll never know.  But I got the point.  When you’re a coach, and you do my kind of work, it isn’t about knowing all the answers, and typing them up in a nice neat blog post.   

It isn’t about asking the right questions either, which I’m sure surprises some of you. What is a question but an attempt to limit a conversation and take it in a prescribed direction? Right?

The point, is only that we all have truth-telling to do.  And if we’re really lucky we have someone in our life that will be called to witness our truth - a brother, girlfriend, lover, or a coach. We want to know that those mini acts of bravery or those massively courageous moments, are actually seen by someone, someone who knows, someone who appreciates our effort, small or large, to cast off the illusion and step into light. 

And that is the fuel of truth.

George Orwell said, “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.”

Viva la Revolucion!!!!

(This blog post is dedicated to Kath N. and those of you who have told the truth, stepping into what is true for you, I admire you and respect you.)