Skeptics and Skepticism

Sometimes I don't write for a while because something is brewing inside of me and looking for a way to grab my attention.  That's the case this month.

I've grappled with the subject of skeptics my whole life and it suddenly dawned on me, I'm not the only one.

If you've read my blogs, you know there was one where I told you the story of doing a cartwheel. I desparately wanted to be a cheerleader, I was still in grade school and it was a big deal. To be on the squad, though, you had to do a cartwheel, minimum requirement.

The gist of that story was the remembered taunting of the other kids, the shouts of 'kelly belly' on the schoolyard, as I tried and fell, tried and fell. And the ultimate victory that persistence brings, doing a cartwheel and making it on the team.

I had alot of skeptics back then, even my parents tried to dissuade me, perhaps thinking an overweight kid is just going to embarass herself.

Here's the thing:  the skepticism never eased up. In fact, it got more intense as I grew up.  The numbers are in the hundreds and now thousands of people I would encounter who would ask me something about myself and I would answer and receive a barrage of naysaying, doubting, challenging, sometimes angry, skeptical retorts. Even close friends, family.

We've heard about this before, right?  Michael Jordan not making it on his high school's basketball team, most famous example.  Somehow those stories seem far removed from my little coffee shop, and my morning cuppa joe and that one person who seems interested and curious, and then wham, before your caffeine has kicked in, your told five ways your story/dream/idea/purpose doesn't work.

Does dreaming a really big dream scare that many people?

I'm dreaming a really big dream right now.  I'm in California, and I'm going back to school for a Ph.D. Here's the big hairy audacious goal: how can we shift our corporate/business models so their focus is on human growth and development and secondarily on commerce?

I have an idea how to do that. (And a ton of people who are skeptical!)

Even so, I have an idea.....and I'm going for it.

I wrote this for my current and future clients.  Here's the takeaway: Skeptics are there to hone our choices, to make us better, to shape and mold our ideas. Thank them, honor them, stay the course, tweak it, and carry on!

The New Old Freedom - Choice

There is an old Cherokee Medicine Way called The Principle of Noninterference. It is very difficult to master, and all but forgotten in today’s world.

Noninterference means respecting and allowing choice. It is the opposite of distance, absence, or disinterest. To love another is to not interfere with their self-determination and to allow a respectful silence, a connection without words that permits choice and change.

Sounds easy, but try doing this when you care, when you really really care about someone and you think they’re making a mistake. In order to truly understand how hard it is to not interfere, we have to accept the role of our ego, and the separation and isolation we experience as a result of it. Silencing our ego, another’s choice is simply their choice.

Let’s try something. Go back and remember a time when someone pressured you – when you felt controlled, manipulated, criticized for your choices. Do you remember one, what did it feel like?

Not so good, huh?

Although I write about this topic, study it, I still find myself in situations where it sneaks up on me. With the best of intentions, I have interfered with and disrespected others. With children and siblings, I see danger and want to keep them safe. With parents, I see flaws and wish for change. With intimate relationships, I have an expectation of the way things should be. All of this can be summed up as the World According to Kelleen. And it just ain’t so.

In Latin, the word expect means to “look out” – how appropriate, we are looking outside of ourselves when we choose to focus on our expectations, a pretty good recipe for pain and disappointment.

So give this some thought – stop wanting to change how things are, and start changing what you expect. Change your lens, shift your perspective, or shift the form of your relationship. Then look again at the situation.

The Prinicple of Noninterference is a vast teaching. This barely brushes the surface. Suffice to say, if you’re expecting something from someone today, pause. Look again at the situation and the person, with deference, admiration, and interest. Be patient with the process and open to the possibilities.

You’ll see – it just may make all the difference in how your day turns out today.