And yet, the mind is our ally if only we would make it so. Everyday is a choice to dedicate our thoughts and our energy to something that produces a quality of joy or hope. That's not the easy route. The easy route would have us building walls, setting up barricades in a fruitless attempt to shut out, protect, and disconnect. If you're shaking your head right now, then you don't recognize that judgment, criticism, blame, and gossip, are some of the greatest and strongest walls we can create. That's the easy route.
Having read my posts before, you know already that feeding our thoughts is the most conscious and awake action we can take. What thought fuels us in the moment of challenge? When we're cut off on the highway. When we get the results of some medical tests. When we watch the news. When someone treats us cruelly.
It's all there for all of us to shift inside of ourselves in any one moment. We don't need to go up on a mountain and meditate until 2025. We don't need an ashram to pray, eat or love. All we need is the next moment, the one that triggers us, and then we consciously choose.
And the choice is not about the opposite of how we feel, it is about the twin of our thought. If we observe ignorance, can we shift to see innocence? If we experience the arrogance of someone's certainty, how much farther do we have to think to find wisdom? Same goes for the rampant superficiality in relationships - in the loneliness and isolation of the superficial, do we discover clarity?
In a world of positionality, it works in our favor and to the collective benefit when the roar of our mind produces the twin of our thoughts. In this way, lions become lambs, once again.
]]>It dawned on me after giving a speech at Bainbridge Graduate Institute's MBA program that perhaps the emptiness had to do with empowerment, or lack of empowerment. I got lots of questions about being heard in a corporate setting and I heard huge amounts of frustration and disappointment around this feeling of 'holding back' and 'not saying what is so.'
That brought me to the understanding that people want to know HOW to speak up. That floored me. HOW to speak up is obvious, right? We just load our brains, and shoot off our mouths. Oh no, this was not what the real question was. The real question had a twist.
How do I speak up AND avoid risking my career and paycheck?
Whoa, and there it is, the fear. Let's call it what it is, and maybe we can shift it. The very foundation of who we are as a society requires us to speak up, ask difficult questions, and know that we are safe to do so. When did it become so unsafe? Where are the pockets of openness, honesty, and genuine dialogue that honor our contributions and support our accountability?
What I find right now is a genuine knowledge and wisdom just waiting to burst forth into open exchange. There is a strong desire for change, and a passionate awareness of the need, no the urgency, to change. And, there is silence.
This silence is a gaping hole; we appease others, and go along, and don't rock the boat. I've been there myself. Not wanting to risk being seen as the one who spoils dinner, who stirs the simmering pot of conflict, I remained silent. And I watched as the cultures of those companies I worked for and where I witnessed this pattern, diminished, slowly at first, and then rapidly.
The way forward is in cultures of openness, thoughtful patient dialogue, connectedness, and engagement. Cultures that embrace discomforting discussion, and allow the full range of self expression within the boundaries of respect and integrity
Ask yourself today: where are you in appeasement? Where do you choose to remain silent when your inner voice would have you speak up to shift a discussion or a decision? Do you work in a place that honors your voice and your wisdom? And if not, how come you work there?
The Truth stands on its own, is heard for itself, and withstands even the harshest of critiques. Speak the Truth, say what is so, and be known as a person of high integrity. We need your leadership, NOW.
]]>Nah, not just the weather. The feeling that's floating around me is hard to shake. It's been a tough week. The weekend's events shadowed the week. Monday, I said good-bye to a fabulous client as she finished her work and is off to Africa! I am thrilled for her and will miss her. I gave a presentation at the University of Washington this week. I usually love doing that, working with the students, offering them insights into their personalities, as we discuss the ways that humans affect the outcome of any enterprise. Sigh. Presentation fell flat. Energy kept shifting.
Rest of the week, more of the same.
Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what's up. Is this just me? Or are others feeling the same way? My mind wanders back to Arizona. Am I more affected by the shootings in Arizona than I have acknowledged? Are others?
I read an article this week that is rolling around in my head. George Freidman wrote the article and in it he suggested that America is a Republic that accidently became an Empire. We created this country to be one thing, and it became another. Now it fights itself, Republic vs Empire, like the Black and White Wolf, a never-ending battle. ( See below, Right Leadership: A Story of Two Wolves.)
I realize I am more like the black wolf tonight: edgy, a bit frustrated, and itching for an argument. I set an intention for this week to be productive and full, energetic and prosperous. Despite my best efforts, didn't happen. My intention devolved to attachment, and now I feel disappointed and crappy.
I am searching my knowledge for the nugget that applies here, for the wisdom that my teachers have shared with me and that I can pass along.
At first nothing comes, and the edginess takes a firmer grip. Slowly, though, like a wafting feather, something tickles me at the very back of my mind. Tugging at this resisting thought, I finally yank it free.
"All energy is neutral, Kelleen."
I expel my breathe, the shoulders come down, I allow my head to hang for just a second. All energy is neutral, neither positive nor negative. We transmute it, make it into something, and this alchemy touches the inner core of who we are and reflects back to us through the lens of our outer world.
This discernment, wisdom's ancestor, is what went lacking this week. I lost touch with my ability to discern truth and hold a vision. It is a good lesson.
All energy is neutral. We make it otherwise.
]]>And that could be why Power came looking for me this weekend.
Somewhere back in the annals of history someone made the connection between the word 'power' and the word 'manipulation.' This became the origin of my logic, my knowing, of the word power. My thinking went like this: If you were powerful, you were likely to be someone who got things done, at any cost. Power therefore equated to manipulation, the ability to control, force, demand, even change the natural course of a thing. It is the antithesis of everything I stand for.
This weekend someone mentioned that the work I'm doing, the research and the mentorships, "are very powerful." Oh my! I was thrown into the deep end, no lifejacket. We spent an hour discussing power and I emerged with my confidantes' beliefs ringing in my ear: "Everything we do, say, or think, must always be viewed at the very least as a ploy for more power. To deny this, is to be dangerous to ourself and others."
I've spent the better part of my life, denying power its due. Rejecting it, resisting its presence, I see now how I forfeited many opportunities to express myself effectively, to listen actively, and to show up. With new appreciation, I accept that Power IS the ability to manipulate AND it can both force an outcome and/or illuminate one.
With integrity, wisdom, and humility, we can step into our personal power, be impeccable with our words and actions, and illuminate and expand possibilities. It is when we aren't in right relationship - when we lack respect for all things and deny service to a common good - that we fall prey to the dark side: control.
The Native People have a saying, "How do you corrupt a righteous man? Give him one follower." In many tribes there is no word in the language for leader; each is a leader, by the fact of their existence, by original design. And that is the genesis of a deep sincere compliment expressed this way, "She is a leader without followers."
Now, today, when we are demanding accountability from our institutions, our governments, and our communities, take a moment to look to your own right use of power, to the moments when you sought first to clarify and illuminate, and, to those moments when you were impatient, 'certain' of the 'right' outcome, and determined to get it.
Notice the difference. Be a leader without followers.
Choose to illuminate.
]]>This line of thinking sparked a memory of an old story and I credit Ken Cohen for bringing the story to my attention in his book, Honoring the Medicine. Here it is:
An elder and chief from Vancouver Island, British Columbia, was invited by the Pope to visit the Vatican as a representative of her nation. Grandmother was pleased with this recognition. The Pope took Grandmother on a tour of the magnificent buildings, art, and archives. Later, when it was just the two of them and they were in the basement of the Basilica, the Pope pointed to a closed red door that was barely visible among the rows of sacred texts.
He explained in a hushed whisper, "Only a few great leaders have seen what lies beyond that door. I escorted the Dalai Lama into that room, and now I am going to show you." The Pope opened the door.
The splendor of the Vatican contrasted sharply with the simple view that greeted Grandmother: 15-foot square chamber in the center of which were a wood chair and a small table. An antique looking gold colored telephone was on the table.
The Pope pointed, and said, "Ever wonder how I speak to God?" Knowing that Grandmother would welcome a chance to speak with the Almighty, the Pope continued, "It's a long distance call, but it reaches. You only need a credit card," he smiled.
Grandmother shook her head with regret and explained, "I am poor, so I must decline the honor." Yet, she was filled with gratitude for the offer.
A year later, while the Pope was visiting Western Canada, he received an invitation to attend a longhouse welcoming feast in his honor at a small village on Vancouver Island. The Pope accepted and was pleased to see his friend. After the nightlong festivities, as dawn was breaking, Grandmother invited the Pope for a walk around the village. The cool fog was just beginning to lift and he could see the cedars and the sea.
To his surprise, he noticed a small simple cedarwood shack with a red door. The Pope was incredulous. "You don't mean to tell me....?" "Yes," replied Grandmother, calmly. They went inside, and the room was barren, except for a red telephone sitting in the dirt. The Pope smiled and Grandmother said, "You won't need a credit card though. From here, it's a local call."
The stories told by indigenous people do such a wonderful job of teaching us to remember place, with each other, in our community, our nation, on Earth, and in the cosmos. Wherever we are, we are there.
]]>It is for the warrior/leader in all of us. The best I can determine in research is that this is a Cherokee story, although the exact origin, time and location, is unknown. Many take credit for it. I will leave credit where it is due, to the wisdom teachers of all time.
Grandfather sat outside as he was wont to do every day. He noticed that his Grandson was walking toward him, but seemed angry. He was kicking the dirt, and Grandfather could see there were streaks of tears running down his face. Grandson did not pay any attention to where he was, he was lost in his own thoughts. He threw a rock as hard as he could, and with a yelling shout, he continued walking.
Grandfather called out and finally got the attention of his grandson, who walked over toward him. Grandfather said, "Sit down and tell me what has happened."
Grandson began to tell the story. On this day it was his birthday and he received as a present from his parents, a knife. He was very happy with his present and showed it to the other kids. Some boys thought this present should not have been given, they thought him too young, they envied his present, and they started to taunt the boy. Soon, a shoving match started, and then a full on fight. Punches were thrown, the knife was taken. "Grandfather, I hate them!" said Grandson.
"Mmm," Grandfather pondered this. Then he said, "I too have had this inside of me. Let me tell you a story." Grandson was in no mood for one these stories, they were always long and Grandfather always wanted to teach something. Grandson wanted to fight, he wanted to be angry, and he wanted to find an outlet for this anger.
Grandfather insisted, "Sit. This story won't take long and it is a story about me when I was your age and felt these same things."
This was something the boy did not hear often, stories about when his Granddfather was a boy. So he sat.
"I have had something living inside of me my whole life," Grandfather began. "I discovered them when I was your age and went to speak with my father and his father. You see, I know I have two wolves that live in my heart and in my head. They live inside of me in my soul. One of these wolves is a white wolf, and he is a seeker of beauty and harmony, he loves balance and peaceful contentness, and he will fight if it is the only way, but he often knows there are many ways, many solutions to problems. Next to him is a black wolf, and he is angry most of the time, he seeks vengence, and will look first to fight. He lives with jealousy and envy inside of him, he judges everything and has little respect."
Grandson was captivated by this story, and asked, "why doesn't the black wolf kill the white wolf?"
"This, is a good question," Grandfather smiled. "The two wolves live inside of me and are chained at the neck together, not too close, but close enough, they can circle each other and keep their distance. They must be very vigilant and so must I."
Grandson reflected on this, and how he felt when his knife was taken and he got into a fight. He could feel his anger disappearing, but he was still puzzled by something. "Grandfather, I don't understand. If these two wolves live inside of you, and you are saying they are inside of me too, which one wins?"
Grandfather smiled, "This, is a good question."
Looking directly into his grandson's eyes, he said, "The one you feed."
In order for our spirits to truly be free, we must look inside of ourselves and discover who we really are, every little awful wonderful thing. We must accept ourselves in this wholeness, and then, and only then, can we step into right leadership, and be wise men and women, right leaders of our time.
In deep gratitude to those who have passed down this story....
]]>Today is extraordinary, because I sit here typing on my computer looking out my Southward-facing windows onto my little porch with my plants all sprinkled with snow and I received a visitor. The most beautiful hummingbird, green and red, came right to my door, pecked his beak on my window as if looking to get inside, and stayed there flicking his wings, looking right at me, for what seemd like minutes, probably seconds, but I stopped breathing, in those seconds. I'd never been that close, though separated by a pane of glass, so close.
When I started breathing again, a big smile spread across my face. I felt like that little kid I once was, and then more grown up and not so little as time flew by, waiting impatiently on Christmas Eve, in and amongst all the bright tiny lights and the happy colored wrapping paper, that air of expectation, and awe, and wonder.
I have the lightest of hearts right now. And it made me think what is means to be humble, to have sincere humility. The tiniest little creature, with what I understand, has the most valient of hearts. And its own super powers - the ability to fly backwards!
I know that Level 5 Leadership comprises humility and will. I am pleased to have had this reminder from the hummingbird today, a true symbol of what leadership - and joy! - can look like this, in these times.
]]>It made my wonder, what is this thing we call, inspiration?
I looked it up and from a definition perspective I found comments like: to heighten, to intensify, to stimulate, to encourage. I do certainly feel these things, even today three days later.
AND, I feel something else. It's been hard to put my finger on it, so it took a while for this blog post to be created. I wondered over the last three days if inspiration comes in compartments, like being inspired on the job versus in your personal life. It occurred to me that I have had tremendous energy for all parts of my life these last few days, so the answer seems to be, no. I can be inspired in my personal life and it carries over to all of my undertakings.
So how does something that I did NOT do, come to have such a significant impact on my personal life, my professional life, even in my alone moments?
Then it hit me. When the undertaking, or "enterprise," is one of scope, risk, and complication and we can witness the undertaking first hand, cheer from the sidelines, hold the belief and trust that all will be well, we are forever changed by what is possible.
My brother is 38 years old, has three kids, is an amateur runner at best and a year ago Thanksgiving he said he intended to run this race. At the Holidays, with six siblings, all with kids running around, lots of chaos and fun, someone who says they're gonna run 26 miles seemed more funny than plausible. And so I did not take much note of this declaration.
But as I cheered him on Sunday, I wondered about the deep sacrifice he made to train for this undertaking. My teacher says, 'sacrifice' really means 'to make sacred again.' To get up every week, knowing you had one less week to train, or that this week it was three short 8 mile runs, or next week it will be a long 13 mile run, and on and on. I now understand my teacher's comment. This had to come from the heart; it can not be your mind that finishes this undertaking.
Maybe that's a piece of what is inspiring: It is not a focus on what we give up but a focus on what we give.
Three hours after the race, my brother sent an email to so many of the people who supported him during the race. I was touched by the humility and grace with which he thanked everyone. He called out the moments when he saw them, at 96th Street, 110th, First Avenue, thanking them all, and saying how much their support made a difference.
Perhaps that's what leadership really looks like - to set an intention, to give of yourself, and to be so grateful for the support and belief of others.
PS, I also discovered that the word inspire means 'to inhale deeply.' When was the last time you inhaled deeply?
Mine was Sunday afternoon!
And it still feels amazing. Thanks, Neal.
]]>I will acquaint you with a concept that is well known in the wisdom teachings but rarely is it ever discussed in polite society: Everything dies. No exceptions.
I read a statistic that the average life span of a company in the US is 40 - 50 years. Companies die, for lots of reasons. Market forces, product innovation, cash flow, fraud, you name it, the dis-eases that can afflict a corporation are as numerous as the ones that can and do afflict human beings. There is a life death life cycle for everything.
Now this alone is not a truly remarkable fact, but it does set the groundwork for something that is remarkable - collectively, we pretend the opposite, we pretend that everything lives, forever. We know that is not a true statement, but we ignore it.
Because death feels so uncontrollable, so nasty. There is grief and sorrow, and fear, as when our colleagues are let go or when a division gets disbanded. Try talking to an entrepreneur about retirement and succession planning. I actually had one executive say to me, "I don't need to plan, I'm gonna live forever." He had a smile on his face, but you know what they say about all things said in jest, right?
We do alot of damage when we don't acknowledge the little and big deaths in our lives. Many employees who have been notified that they will be let go on a precise day, report feeling shunned by colleagues. "People just exiled me, stopped talking to me outright in some cases. I felt like vermin."
We've all done it.
The wisdom teachings tell us - Death always takes its due. So let it, and be done. Here is an example of giving Death her due. We are coming up on the famous Day of the Dead. Many Mexican friends of mine will be honoring death and their departed by placing on the grave of a departed love one all the things they loved in life. A stroll through a cemetery can be a bit amusing as you pass by bottles of scotch, tobacco, and pictures of scantily clad women!
As leaders, when a death of any magnitude occurs, pause, find the ways to acknowledge your own feelings, and let others do the same. Say the hard thing, express the difficult emotions. Let it go.
Death is inevitable and uncontrollable, so that makes life unpredictable and absolutely precious. A cliche for sure - but it's worth saying again, carpe diem.
]]>It was while I was building my clientele back that I understood for the first time that I had crossed some invisible line. I realized that:
In the midst of this discomforting insight, a family member asked me, "Why? Why do you keep going? You don't have anything to prove. It wouldn't be a failure. Just let it go. Come back to the East Coast. Get a job here, any job."
In an instant, every moment I have ever failed flashed through my head and with brilliant searing clarity, I realized that failure wasn't even possible.
The secret is out. MacGregor, Schein, Csikszentmihalyi, they started it. And these leaders, all have lead the way: Tony Hsieh, John Mackey, Tim Ferriss, George Zimmer, Roxanne Emmerich, Tony Schwartz, Stephen M. Covey, Christine Comaford-Lynch, Keith Ferrazzi, Bill George, Hazel Henderson, Sarano Kelley, Tim Sanders, Casey Sheahan , Vicki Robin, Shai Agassi, Ping Fu, Lance Secretan, Tami Simon, Randy Komisar, Chip Conley, Juanita Brown, Richard Barrett, Lisa Nirell, Srikumar Rao, Bo Burlingham, Bettie Spruill, Paul Spiegelman, Marcia Wieder, Alan Gregerman, Kellie McElhaney, Chester Elton, Monika Broecker, Ari Weinzweig, Ahmed Rahim, Jeff Hayzlett, Simon Sinek, Raj Sisodia.
And me! I have added my piece - Transforming the human side of enterprise is one of the four components of creating sustainability. People, planet, profit and purpose, the quadruple bottom line, all connected.
Failure isn't possible simply because I am in too much good company. But something else nagged at me. Why don't I just quit? And the answer came:
.... because I'm still afraid.
In 1999, I raised my hand timidly at Columbia Business School and asked my professors, "When do we get to learn about helping people to be better performers and to be happier at work?"
Complete silence. Then one of the academic supervisors said, "HR is next semester." Everyone laughed. Except me. I didn't get it. Where were the 'people' people? But, I tucked my head and went back to coloring inside the lines.
It's been twelve years since that day. And I've picked at this scab every day, chipping away at the idea that how people work in a business is just as important if not more important than how the business itself works.
I've heard it said that 'to stand alone and risk looking ridiculous' is the measure of a true leader. Until last Thursday I was uncertain of my leadership status.
At the Boeing Auditorium at the University of Washington, I stood alone and said, "Ten years from now, not a single company or enterprise will exist without a Chief Culture Officer, a Director of Culture, or even simply named, the 'people' people."
I suppose I can quit now.
Nah.
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