I'm sitting here tonight a bit confused and sad. Maybe it's the Seattle weather, which trust me, would make anyone sad.
Nah, not just the weather. The feeling that's floating around me is hard to shake. It's been a tough week. The weekend's events shadowed the week. Monday, I said good-bye to a fabulous client as she finished her work and is off to Africa! I am thrilled for her and will miss her. I gave a presentation at the University of Washington this week. I usually love doing that, working with the students, offering them insights into their personalities, as we discuss the ways that humans affect the outcome of any enterprise. Sigh. Presentation fell flat. Energy kept shifting.
Rest of the week, more of the same.
Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what's up. Is this just me? Or are others feeling the same way? My mind wanders back to Arizona. Am I more affected by the shootings in Arizona than I have acknowledged? Are others?
I read an article this week that is rolling around in my head. George Freidman wrote the article and in it he suggested that America is a Republic that accidently became an Empire. We created this country to be one thing, and it became another. Now it fights itself, Republic vs Empire, like the Black and White Wolf, a never-ending battle. ( See below, Right Leadership: A Story of Two Wolves.)
I realize I am more like the black wolf tonight: edgy, a bit frustrated, and itching for an argument. I set an intention for this week to be productive and full, energetic and prosperous. Despite my best efforts, didn't happen. My intention devolved to attachment, and now I feel disappointed and crappy.
I am searching my knowledge for the nugget that applies here, for the wisdom that my teachers have shared with me and that I can pass along.
At first nothing comes, and the edginess takes a firmer grip. Slowly, though, like a wafting feather, something tickles me at the very back of my mind. Tugging at this resisting thought, I finally yank it free.
"All energy is neutral, Kelleen."
I expel my breathe, the shoulders come down, I allow my head to hang for just a second. All energy is neutral, neither positive nor negative. We transmute it, make it into something, and this alchemy touches the inner core of who we are and reflects back to us through the lens of our outer world.
This discernment, wisdom's ancestor, is what went lacking this week. I lost touch with my ability to discern truth and hold a vision. It is a good lesson.
All energy is neutral. We make it otherwise.