Griffin Executive Coaching

"Rejection kills, disappointment only maims."

This quote from the movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs succintly targets a core challenge we face in our lives, not least of which is in our professional life.  If we are to live a life of balance and harmony, then how much credence do we give to criticism, and by extension, to praise.

The battlefield this week seems to be "feedback" - as in, "can I offer you a little feedback?"

360 degree reviews and performance evaluations of almost any kind, are intrinisically useless.  And yet, corporations spend truckloads of cash building systems to track what people do, when they do it, and how well they do it. 

Sounds like a smart objective, except that at its very core, these reviews are not truthful.  Because they can't be truthful. We're humans, we've all only evolved to a certain degree, we all have different values, different perspectives. 

I've coached individuals, who have come to me saying, "I've performed at the top of my rating scale for 9 years, and now suddenly, I'm an average performer?"  This company discovered that they were being too generous with their rankings, and the curve needed to shift.  Everyone was "shifted to average to make the process more meaningful." 

Huh?  Meaningful for whom? 

Here's my personal favorite - "Kelleen, what does it mean when they asked me to be a 'shining beacon of light'?"

Huh? As opposed to what - a dull, drab wisp of a spark?

Try as I might I can't explain the corporate desire to track what is in essence the will to work, the spirit of curiosity necessary to excel at work and in all things, and the heart of creative endeavor that fuels success.

Dispense with the performance systems if you legally can, have a gratitude lunch instead, and talk about what works. Be thankful for the time you give and get from your colleagues. 

If you can't completely dispense with these archaic command and control/tail wags the dog processes, then recognize that praise and criticism that come from outside of you, these have no real energy, they only have power if you feed them.  Don't feed them.

I met a painter the other day.  He told me he was a chess player.

I said, “No, you aren’t.  You paint.”

He said, “nope, almost never.  I play chess.”

I had just seen his art work.  Magnificent doesn’t describe it. How could this man say he is a chess player?

“You play chess as a hobby, but you paint for a living.”

“No, I play chess.”

I walked away confused. And then forgot about it.

I met a business woman.  She said she studies butterflies.

“You own a company,” I said to her.

“Does anyone really own a company?” she replied.

What was going on here?  Have people lost what little sense they had.  And with that thought, more and more encounters came my way.

“I’m not homeless, I build castles.”

“I’m not a nurse, I guide hikes.”

“I’m not a politician, I teach cooking.”

“I’m not an energy healer, I love nature.”

“I’m not a shop clerk, I grow plants.”

“I’m not in marketing, I ride horses.”

On and on, this went.  It seemed every exchange was marked in some way by a shift in perception.  What was going on?  What message needed to be brought forth that escaped my understanding.

Last night, I sat with a friend.  We shared stories.  She’s a beautiful homemaker, wonderful cook, ex-corporate veteran.  I love my time with her, it’s always so refreshing.  I told her about these seemingly unconnected snippets of conversation. 

Do you know what she said….and without any hesitation:

“Just because I clean my toilet, it doesn’t make me the janitor.”

One of the foremost theologians of our times called this country’s fascination with career and vocationalism, ‘the danger of a limited goal’.

Many of my clients come to me with a strong, successful career under their belt. Exhausted physically and mentally, they’re not even sure what’s wrong or how they came to feel so unfulfilled. All they know is that something isn’t right. These folks have discovered first-hand the danger of a limited goal.

The goal of “career” does not satisfy most people in today’s world. And here’s why -

‘Seeking’ a career, we suffer with a malaise of the soul, born out of our choice to pursue happiness in the guise of wealth, or prestige, or stability, or security. Contrast that with, ‘finding’ our life which gives rise to endless possibilities, and the sheer joy of adventure, awe, inspiration and wonder around every twist and turn. By its very nature, the goal of a career strips us of our right to a journey, our journey, the one we are uniquely here to fulfill.

We all must find our life and make its meaning. If you have a successful career, great!, balance it with self expression and creativity. Find your SELF in yourself, again. If you’ve discovered, like so many, that the career you’re in isn’t feeding you in a deep and meaningful way, great!, here’s your chance to change it up.

What has real heart and meaning for you?

Do more of that!

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

Happens alot, actually.  You're in a meeting and people are floundering, the project has stopped, key input hasn't arrived. Resources are dwindling, and pressure is rising.  And the moment that you know is coming, arrives.

Everyone looks up, simultaneously, and stares at - YOU.

You're the go-to guy, the girl with the answers.  Except you aren't, because you can't, or don't want to, or don't have any.  At this exact moment you wish everyone would just figure it out for themselves. You want to indulge your little itty bitsy 6 year old, and just throw a wild tantrum on the conference table.

But you don't, because you can't.

And you do what you always do, make a few suggestions, get people unstuck from the rigidity of their positions, and mostly hope that no one knows that you pulled a "PIOOMA-MIU." (For those of you in the dark about this phrase, it stands for, 'pulled it out of my ass, made it up.'  It sounds Hawaiian when you pronounce it:  PIE - u - ma, MY - U.  Cool, huh?)

Instead of seeing it as a 'wing it' situation, see it as an opportunity to 'act as if'.  Act as if you knew the answer, as if the next course direction is assured, act as if innovation and creativity do in fact lead to greatness.  Step into the shoes of the Wright Brothers, the Gates garage gang, the 3M scientist inventor of sticky notes. 

They did what was required, what was needed, what made sense.  In the process they created something out of nothing.  Acting as if, beats the heck out of the alternative, and might actually create the ground work for a new culture, a creative culture. 

And wouldn't that be a cool place to go to work everyday?

Many of my clients this week and last have reported challenges with co-workers. I thought it was time to refer to those gurus of leadership, the folks in the Leadership Dept. at the Naval Academy.

There have been many who have written about Naval Leadership, but few have made it accessible to corporate America. One of the few, is Brad Johnson, who is a professor in the Leadership, Ethics, and Law Dept. at the Academy.

In his book, Becoming a Leader the Annapolis Way, Brad (who, in full disclosure, is one of my former professors at Johns Hopkins) writes about the 12 essentials for leadership and does a remarkable job in the Chapter entitled, “Shipmates First.” Here is an excerpt from that...

“Never bilge a shipmate...p.134

Not only is an Academy midshipmen bound to keep track of his or her shipmates, there is also a clear prohibition against doing anything to take advantage of, get one over on, or bring a shipmate to the attention of superiors in a negative way. Such behavior is considered “bilging a shipmate” and it is ardently avoided. One can also bilge a shipmate by neglecting to provide important information or by failing to help a shipmate correct an obvious problem before it comes to the attention of an officer or upperclassman.”

Conclusion of the chapter, p.141...

“Leaders have an obligation to their shipmates. Excellent leaders see themselves as servants of their people. Part of serving through leadership is acceptance of the obligation to sacrifice for others. This is the burden of command...Nonetheless, the most mature and successful leaders manage to reframe this obligation as opportunity....”

The burden of leadership is also its opportunity. No matter how many times you have been thrown under the bus by a colleague, it is never the highest best choice of a fine leader to reciprocate.