Tip # 3: 100 Pennies Rule
Sunday, September 28, 2008 at 06:04PM Ever hear the old joke about three men who are playing golf and telling each other all the things they had to promise their wives in order to get there? The list of honey-do's is long, until finally, one guy says, "I didn't have to promise her a thing. I just set the alarm for 5 am, and when it went off, I rolled over and said, "Golf course or intercourse? and she said, "Wear your sweater."
This weeks tip is about trade offs and it's called the '100 Pennies Rule.'
It's a super simple, often overlooked, methodology. You learned it when you were a kid. Remember when your Dad said, "okay, son, if you want that, you know you have 100 pennies in your piggy bank, is this what you really want? It will cost almost all of the pennies in your bank."
Same concept, flash forward. The 100 Pennies Rule is used to recognize that we often have to make choices in the moment, and we need some simple way to acknowledge the choice, the trade-off, in order to learn if we're making the right one.
Here are some examples. Let's start with business. In public speaking, there' s a very common application of the 100 Pennies. It has to do with the amount of material you can IMPART, versus the amount of material your audience can ABSORB. Naturally, you, being an expert, will always have boatloads more information than the normal person could ever speak about in a one hour speech. So, how to prioritize? 100 Pennies. Boil down your material to the three points that can get you heard and paid. If you know your killer teaching point is on page 5 of your speech, make sure page five gets the most air time. People often make the mistake of spending 2 minutes a page on a 30 page speech. Some pages are quick, some you linger over. Remember then, you're giving the speech for a reason, you want to get paid for your work; spending your pennies wisely choosing the right material is a good bet.
Not in the public speaking arena? Let's switch to relationships. Whenever two people come together, over a period of time, and I mean after the honeymoon phase, there will often be two ways of doing something, two ideas about how to spend the bonus, two approaches to educating the kids, two 'ideal' places to spend the winter months, etc. 100 Pennies can come in mighty handy, especially for you people pleasers out there.
Here's why. I often get a complaint that goes like this: "Of course, I love him, and I want to make him happy, but sometimes, I really want to do something else. Usually I'm happy to go with the flow, but not always, and it seems like my needs get forgotten alot."
Okay there's a bunch going on here, but suffice to say, a handy tool like 100 Pennies, can rescue this situation from its inevitable blow up. Agreeing upfront that the two of you will pass back and forth 100 Pennies, the conversation now goes like this: "I know you want to go to Las Vegas, and I'll go, but it's burning like 80 pennies, because you know it's not my favorite. Is it really worth that much to you?"
Here the 100 Pennies is a non-emotional way to let your partner know, "hey this is a big deal." It actually gets fun. I've had couples say to each other in their session with me, "Am I burning any pennies on this one?"
Last scenario, use it for yourself. We hide from ourselves so much. It's human nature to do it, but it can cause some serious consequences. Use the 100 Pennies in situations where what you want to do, and what you know you need to do are widely different. Like what? Right now, make a list of the top 5 chores you hate doing. Top 5 tasks at work you hate doing. Now make the "I love it" list for both work and home. Now place pennies next to the amount of time you spend doing each one of the 20 items. If more than 60% of your pennies goes to the "nope, not so much" list...time to make some changes. We all have stuff we'd rather not do, but if the majority of your time goes there, life's just not a hoot anymore.
Bottom line, the 100 Pennies has lots of applications. Stick it in your tool kit, bring it out when those meetings at work drag on, when your daughter or son, wants the new iPod or iPhone, when you're just not managing your time properly, and then send me an email and tell me about it. I've started a whole list of applications. If I get some good ones, I'll publish the list. Trust me, this works.
Tip #2: Fly Under the Radar
Thursday, September 11, 2008 at 06:55PM This second tip is designed for those who wish to get sh*t done and know the bureaucracy that usually impedes progress.
There are a thousand books on the different approaches to getting stuff done in corporate America, government, heck, even relationships. They call for us to have *fierce* conversations, and *get naked with our feelings* and *go toe to toe* and *climb into your lifeboat* and last,*'sit knee to knee.*
What is going on? Do we really believe this? Why do we need to have body parts touching in order to be persuasive? Is this the dog park equivalent of sniffing butts? sniff, sniff, sniff....wag tail...translation: good to go...another new friend....I'll send you some pee-mail. Are you on Dogbook?
When we want and need to make some progress and get sh*t done, up here in the world of the two-leggeds, endless consensus building kills initiative.
Here's where I'm going: Read Orbiting the Giant Hairball, about Gordon MacKenzie's twenty year stint in the creative department at Hallmark. Right there in the title, he sets up the inherent conflict. Huge corporation = Hallmark. Artistic, independent thought = Creative department. Result: orbiting the giant hairball.
Gordon details in his very own unique style how he learned to co-habitate in this large corporation. There is a hilarious chapter called, "Milk Cans Are Not Allowed" describing the debate, politics, and people antics behind a corporate RULE (No milk cans in the building) and an artistic REQUEST (using milk cans as wastebaskets). This is a true story, I kid you not. Outcome: borrow antique milk cans from Hallmarks art museum, placing them "on display" and use as wastebaskets.
My negotiations teacher from Columbia would have called the outcome, 'an elegant solution.' This is what I mean when I say 'fly under the radar.'
Yes, one approach could have been to launched a blog entitled "Milk Cans Rule", a website called "Hallmark's Corporate Rules Suck", a petition could have been signed, meetings could have been scheduled, leaders lobbied, a vote taken, and maybe, maybe the Milk Can Rule would be repealed. Cost would have been significant in terms of time and energy.
Option B: fly under the radar. Craft a solution where everyone gets almost all of what they wanted in the first place without all the fanfare.
Learning to 'fly under the radar' is an art. And we can learn it at any stage of our life. It applies to our work, with our parents, siblings, friends, spouses, and neighbors. It is the earnest search for an elegant solution, one that appeals to the self-interest of the constituents while accomplishing the task at hand.
A true master crafts elegant solutions daily.
As far as I know, Emily Post hasn't revised her etiquette guidelines, so maybe we should keep our clothes on, be congruent and authentic instead of fierce, leave the body parts stuff to our four-legged friends, and just fly under the radar once in awhile.
Tip # 1: 'Listen' is an anagram for what word?
Thursday, September 4, 2008 at 10:52PM Here is the first in a series of tips that I hope will help my friends and readers in their everyday lives.
Tip #1: 'Listen' is an anagram for 'silent.'
How many times do you catch yourself not really listening to what the person in front of you or on the phone just said because you're waiting to say something yourself. You've queued up the comment in your mind, and you're just itching to burst forth with it. And then the moment arrives, the other person pauses, takes a breathe, and you launch yourself into the silence, only to watch the person stare at you with a blank face. You weren't paying attention. They just mentioned something about their mother being sick and you didn't hear it because you were stuck inside your head.
Listening to someone is the highest form of compliment, it is the most healing of all medicines, and it is hands down the best way to grow as a person and in relationship. Listening is not done only with ears; ears are the instrument. It is the attention you focus on the other person, and the silence you grant them, that will make the difference in both of your lives.
Be silent, listen to someone today; watch what happens.
You're not locking your arms...
Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 11:29PM I'm trying too hard to write this post. I've had an amazing day. I've learned from David and Pamela, I've loved the stories from Caroline and Carissa. I want to write a post about gratitude but I'm not sure where to start. That's surprising for me. Gratitude is usually the first stop on my "happy" train.
So I'm pausing, taking it all in. Truth, I ran straight into a brick wall recently. And by that I mean a full frontal face splash into what I thought was destiny, but really was only an exit sign on the highway. Pissed and confused, I eventually re-grouped. But here's what was waiting for me, the understanding that I was the problem.
I was the problem starting back when I was 9 years old! Something stupid and monumental happened when I was 9. This thing that happened started a strange chain of events that can neither be predicted nor repressed. I will tell you this thing. But I hate it, still.
I wanted to be a cheerleader. Like with a passion I didn't even know I possessed. I was a fat ugly girl. I had no friends at Holy Cross School, but all the fun popular girls were on cheerleading and I wanted to do it. Cheerleading was big business back then, and there was an A Squad and a B Squad. I knew I could never make the A Squad, hell, they did splits, sommersalts, I couldn't even do a cartwheel. And, that was why I failed to qualify the first time I tried out. No cartwheel, no team.
So, I practiced and practiced. I was all over the parking lot at lunch break, using the curbs to compell myself into a cartwheel. I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried, how much I watched the other girls, why wouldn't my body do what I wanted it to do. Let me tell you these were not fun lunch breaks...I was snickered at..."look, kelly belly thinks she can be on the team."
Well, this is a fairly old story, right, so I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say, this was personally agonizing but I was determined to do the cartwheel because that was THE requirement to make the B squad. Day after day, I fell. I couldn't do it. I couldn't understand why. Other girls could, why couldn't I?
I still remember the day it happened. This girl who I don't even recall her name, she wasn't in my grade, but popular, broke away from her friends and came over to me on the parking lot/playground and said, "You're not locking your arms."
No one talked to me out there, so I was confused, did she mean me? She said it again, "You're not locking your arms." She began to explain what she meant and to show me. I tried again and fell, but she seeemd so sure if I did this thing, this locking, I'd be able to do a cartwheel. I tried again, and again. And then, just like that, for the first time ever in my life, I did a cartwheel! Geez louise, I did a cartwheel!!!
It felt like magic, I did this thing that no one thought I could do. The news spread, even though this was pre-blackberry, info still got around like wildfire, and soon, it was whispered that I was trying out again for the squad.
Imagine that, kelly belly, trying to be a cheerleader.
Stay tuned for the next part of this story.......
Are you a Skinny Bitch?
Monday, August 18, 2008 at 05:50PM I'm not. Yet!
The book Skinny Bitch came out in 2005. Those were amongst my hippest years, and you would have thought that this best selling book would have popped onto my radar somehow. Nope.
I was still catching the South Beach craze and doing very well with it until I hit the 'no carb, can't think, function, or talk' wall. That was interesting. I think, I can't remember. So carbs came back, a little at a time. But with no resulting impact on my appearance. Phew.
Then I decided to move. About a year ago, I moved across country, and well, there's nothing South or Beach about this area. If you read my last post , you'll know already that this little adventure has had a plethora of bumps, some moles, some mountains. So it'll be no shocker when I tell you that for four months the food warden that lives in my head has been captured by the inmates, gagged, and it's been a no-holds barred, free for all, smorgasbord every since...
This time I not only saw the results of this behavior, my good friend who came into town recently, was being helpful and suggested I read, Skinny Bitch. hmmm. I did read it, she's still my good friend, and the lbs are falling off and my clothes fit again and I'm happy.
So why this post? I realized over the weekend all the activities that are right at my fingertips, activities that keep me fit and help me manage my stress, if I'd just go do them. That's a Big IF when you aren't feeling like your old fit self. Here's a sampling of just my last three days of activities. Every morning powerwalk on the lake, Saturday hike at St. Edwards ending in a swim, morning yoga, hot yoga. 24 Hour Fitness has their 7 day free pass still. With no excuses, and endorphins swimming through my veins, I thought I'd let the last few unfit people in Kirkland know that all it takes is the first step.
So read the book, I'm a big fan, you'll also learn a ton about the food production industry here in the US. Not pretty.
As for me, I'm happy to report that one by one the inmates have been recaptured, the food warden released, and promises of improved conditions announced. According to Skinny Bitch, I can have fruit again; a big no-no on So. Beach, and some carbs are ok, thank the sweet powers that be.
I'm not a Skinny Bitch yet. I'm still a hungry girl, and that's okay. Fortunately there's a website for that too: you guessed it: www.hungry-girl.com. Get the daily email it's awesome.